The Champions?

Manchester United.

Our affiliation goes back a long way.

Steve Bruce, Gary Pallister, Denis Irwin, Peter Schmeichel, Mark Hughes, Andrei Kanchelskis, Eric Cantona, Paul Ince, Roy Keane, Andy Cole, Dwight Yorke, Jaap Stam, David Beckham.

i can just picture the former Red Devils laughing last night, at the sheer stupidity of the present team.

if Hayden Mullins hadn't struck the crossbar; and with an inviting 2nd attempt, Mark Noble hadn't skied his shot at an empty Man Utd goal, West Ham could have gone 1-0 up within the 1st 10 minutes of play.

Well, credit to the Devils for shrugging off that early scare to launch a quick offensive as Ryan Giggs was released early on the left wing in the 14th minute. The Welsh wizard zipped along the flank and whipped in a low curling cross to the near post. The ball eluded Carlos Tevez but Cristiano Ronaldo was up to the task, heading the ball home from close range, giving Robert Green no chance.

Tomasz Kuszczak denied Nolberto Solano a spectacular goal as the Man Utd custodian beat the dipping shot over the bar just in time at 36 minutes. In the closing seconds of the 1st half, Ronaldo tried to light up the otherwise already boring gameplay by letting loose a scintillating shot that flashed past Green's near post and wrecked a camera by the touchlines. Ouch.

West Ham started the 2nd half with confidence and got into an attacking rhythm. Man Utd however, seemed to be enjoying the 1 goal lead. Foolish. Utterly foolish.

The turning point of the match came in the 68th minute. Ex-Man Utd defender Jonathan Spector mistimed a floating cross into the West Ham penalty area and handled the ball as he totally missed the header.

"Penalty!" roared the Man Utd crowd, jubilant of the opportunity to double the lead, with expert spot kick taker Ronaldo a likely prospect to increase his impressive double-digit goal tally.

Much to the horror of the crowd, fans all over the world watching on cable, and albeit Alex Ferguson, Ronaldo skewed his shot wide.

Dean Ashton was introduced almost immediately at 70 minutes to boost West Ham's attack after Man Utd's demoralising penalty miss.

7 minutes later, Noble turned from zero to hero as he provided the perfectly weighted corner for substitute Anton Ferdinand to drill a header home at the far post, his 1st in 2 years. Now why wasn't anyone covering the Man Utd far post? Even if Kuszczak had reacted late to the header, a defender stationed at the far post could have hacked the ball off the line. Rio Ferdinand wasn't particularly pleased.

Shaken awake, Man Utd tried to launch an offensive to salvage this game, to preserve their 100% EPL win record in December 2007 and to head into the New Year at the top of the table. Nani was thrown on at the expense of defensive midfielder Owen Hargreaves to bolster the strikeforce. Even attacking talents like Anderson, Ronaldo, Giggs and Louis Saha had to take a backseat as Man Utd failed to score again. Wayne Rooney was truly missed.

The nail in the coffin came in the 82nd minute, as Man Utd gave away yet another needless setpiece. The freekick was floated in deliciously and Matthew Upson was the hungrier of the lot, rising well above the entire defence to place a delicate header out of Kuszczak's reach and into the top corner. This time, absolutely no one was covering either posts.

That was Upson's 1st career goal for West Ham. Scorers against Man Utd always seemed to break some record or the other.

Tried as they might, Man Utd couldn't change the game in their favour as the game ended 1-2 in favour of the Hammers.

Chelsea survived Newcastle 2-1; Arsenal mustered a great comeback to finish 4-1 against Everton; Tottenham overpowered Reading 6-4.

Ditto.

Ferguson's decision to rest Rooney was acceptable. But having praised Park Ji Sung in the Sunderland game, he played Darren Fletcher in the midfield instead. The odd pairing caused Hargreaves to be confused the entire game. Park could have been utilized to run the West Ham midfield ragged as Hargreaves marshalled the area in front of the back 4. The presence of Fletcher just unsettled the whole team.

Not that Tevez had any contribution to the game either. Although he was running around the pitch all day long, he couldn't produce anything for his side. A total waste of his work rate.

And Ferguson should sell Wes Brown as soon as Tottenham come for him. it's like a heaven-sent to get a bummer off the payroll to a willing buyer.

Last season, West Ham punished Man Utd both home and away in the league. Looks like it's history repeating itself.

And no prizes for guessing which Ferdinand went home the happier brother.

Hat-trick

Nope i didn't score 3 goals. Well i didn't just score 3 goals, but that isn't the point. i played 3 soccer games in a week: 8th, 12th and 15th September.

At first, it started off last Saturday as just another day to do sports and keep fit, so i organised a street soccer game with some of my closest buddies. We had a 3-on-3 for close to 2 hours in the blazing heat. My muscles ached for the entire next day.

Then came Wednesday, a day where full attendance in my camp was required for some major area cleaning. Since it's really rare that we have most of the people around, we decided to kick some ball. That lasted for about an hour. More muscle aching.

Then today, i was invited by one of my campmates to play with his regular soccer gang. Being the soccer enthusiast that i am, i couldn't refuse. Got a surprise when i realised that some of the people playing are, well, uncles. But the surprise didn't end there. Much to my horror for underestimating them, they played brilliant football. Out of the 3 games, this was the one that totally tested me out physically, mentally and tactically. Each touch, each run, each positioning had to be done with precise and meticulous execution. One mistake could be fatally costly for the team. Never had i played under so much pressure before. it has been a long time.

From the remaining 30 over minutes of matchplay between Everton and Manchester United after missing the bulk of the action due to the soccer game i had, i can conclude that this year's title is not for Sir Alex's taking. Simply put, Manchester United is playing a brand of football we critics call, plain lousy. God be with them.